Something Old, New and In-Between
by Tvmatchmaker795
Summary: Life is unfair. People get ripped away from their family and lives change. She can't sleep while her mind wanders.- Emma has to find a way to adjust to realizing her parents loved her more than she ever realized. In the process, she finds a way to have a happy medium between her old life and her new one. (Up to 2x03 episode spoilers)
1. Chapter 1

**I know I've written a lot for this family situation so I hope you don't mind me sending out another one into cyber space. This takes place after the Nursery scene- like the night of. Enjoy and review.**

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Life is unfair. People get ripped away from their family and lives change. Emma stares at the stars in the dark sky as her mind wanders. She can't sleep. Not after what she just saw. How could she, her entire childhood was that she had to get used to the fact that her parents abandon her and knowing it was all a lie? That childhood made her who she is today. But seeing what her parents had given up is making her rethink all of it. Who is she without that angry child inside her who still hates her parents for leaving her?

Shifting so she is on her side, Emma gazes at Mary Margaret… her mother. No, Snow White is her mother. Snow's eyes are closed and her features look so peaceful. It's a vastly different look from the one Snow takes on when she's awake. Snow is always so determined and strong. But in her sleep, Snow looks so much like Mary Margaret. The fearlessness that defines Snow is gone and is replaced by Mary Margaret's quiet, peaceful presence. Emma feels her chest tighten. It hurts everything to see Mary Margaret but to know she's not there. What hurts the most is the hope**-** the hope that right in this moment, with Snow seeming so like Mary Margaret, if she wakes up the woman before her, Mary Margaret might be there… if only for a second.

Her heart aches for Mary Margaret to return but then another part of her fights against the desire with the reality of that she finally has her mother. Her body and mind seem to be at war with each other. The parentless child in her wants to hug her mom and never let go while the hurt adult in her wishes for Mary Margaret back. Despite her mind and body being exhausted from this inner fight, she can't sleep.

The introspective moment is cut short when Mar- Snow cries out faintly in her sleep. Emma freezes…well quickly closes her eyes, determined not to get caught staring. A few minutes go by and when Emma is sure that it is a false alarm, she opens her eyes. Her heart lurches at the sight of Mary Margaret's upset expression. Her mind lashes out, fighting the confusion of names. _Snow is the woman in front of me._ Snow shifts and lets out another cry. Emma struggles to fight the urge to comfort her roommate/mother. Some part of her is still angry with her mother but then everything else is screaming at her to help despite everything.

Snow's face contorts in pain, and she looks so heart wrenchingly like Mary Margaret that Emma can't resist anymore. She grabs her make shift blanket and scoots closer to Snow. Her mind once again tries to search for Mary Margaret in Snow's features. Her search is cut short when she sees a trail down Snow's cheek, fresh from a tear.

"Oh hell." Emma mutters as she pulls out her arm from her blanket. Hesitantly she gently snakes that arm underneath Snow's body and pulls the woman closer. Snow immediately stops tossing and turning, and leans closer. The result is not what Emma expected; her arm is wrapped securely around her mother's shoulders and her mother is resting her head on Emma's shoulder. Strangely enough, this doesn't feel as awkward as Emma thought it would be- until Snow opens her eyes.

Snow blinks away the sleepiness and just stares at the sky for a moment. Emma grimaces at getting caught. She underestimated how close they actually were and how this might turn into a mother/daughter moment that she didn't intend to create. A look of realization dawns on Snow's face and instantly her face becomes soft and so damn loving as she turns to gaze at Emma. Emma stops herself when she feels her eyes begin to roll and instead avoids eye contact. Her inner war would only fight harder if she saw that love directed at her for too long.

"Emma?" Snow's voice is filled with love, adoration, and curiosity. Snow clearly wants her to explain why she has her in a tight embrace. Emma groans and looks at her mother.

"You were crying in your sleep." Emma's voice is flat as she struggles to keep the concern out of her tone. The cover up of her worry is not as good as she thought because Snow glances away and appears to be embarrassed. Emma keeps her arm around Snow's body despite the adult in her yelling for her stop and pretend like nothing happened. However, she is too interested and the child in her wants this too much. "You had a nightmare, didn't you?" She pries further.

"I- yes. I guess I did." After the confession, Snow quickly starts to have misty eyes. Emma panics.

"Oh no, no, no. You can't cry. I can't handle you crying. That's how I ended up here." Her fear is exposed because Snow sniffles and wipes away her tears.

"Sorry." Snow whispers. Emma sighs and relaxes, happy that the crisis is averted. Her mother can tell that too because she too relaxes into Emma's embrace. "Thank you."

"No problem" Emma awkwardly replies. She moves around so Snow isn't on a pressure point on her shoulder. Snow apparently took that as Emma trying to get out of their positioning. She quickly grabs Emma's hand and intertwines their fingers. Emma is startled by this sudden gesture.

"Please," Snow's voice falters. "stay." Emma nods and decides to wait for Snow to explain. She takes a breath and looks like she is about to elaborate. "Seeing that room…I was overwhelmed with what-should-have-been's. I didn't want to send you away, Emma. I desperately wanted to keep holding onto you." Snow looks at her and searches for some recognition. Emma squeezes Snow's hand back. "At first, I was dreaming about our life here, about what could have been if there was no curse. You were three years old. I don't know what you looked like but I thought of you similarly to what I looked like."

Snow's face twists to one of shock, pain, and hurt. Snow closes her eyes. Emma tenses, preparing herself for tears.

"What?" Emma's voice is as soft as she can muster. Her emotions are running wild because she is wondering why her mother had a nightmare about her. Did she really screw up already? Her heart sinks at the idea that she messed up and is losing her family she's had for less than a week.

"God, I don't even know what my little girl looked like as a child." Snow's eyes open and brim with tears. The scene makes her glance away, too uncomfortable with the guilt in Snow's gaze. The war inside her continues to rage on. Now the parentless child is angry and hurt while the adult in her hates watching her mom suffer. When she looks back at Snow, Emma can see another round of 'sorry' on the tip of her tongue so she intervenes.

"I wasn't blond. I had brown hair and I guess I had your chin too. I can show you some pictures once we get back home. There aren't many though…" As soon as she says that, Snow's face lights up. She smiles at looks at Emma with those loving eyes again. Emma feels a pang of guilt deep in her stomach when she thinks about how she wanted to deprive Snow of any more memories by remaining Mary Margaret longer.

"I'd like that." Snow's smile fades and Emma realizes that she is thinking about her dream. "My dream was perfect until a cloud rolled in and separated us. I felt like I couldn't breathe. When the cloud of smoke disappeared, you were gone. I was so scared." Snow seems to not realize that her grip with Emma's hand had increased. Emma squeezes back in an attempt to reassure Snow.

Snow's attention snaps back to her. She gazes fondly at Emma, thanking her for breaking her out of the trance. "I checked in your nursery but it was like how we found it today, empty and cold. I- I lost you and I felt so helpless…"

Emma lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding. She is relieved that her fears weren't reality. Her mom's nightmare wasn't because she is a horrible daughter.

"I guess that's when I stepped in?" Emma keeps her tone light. Snow looks up at the stars and nods silently. Emma allows herself to smile and lets the feeling of content and mild happiness fill her. She helped Snow so maybe she isn't an awful daughter after all. The sensation quickly disappears when she hears Snow's quiet comment.

"I'm a terrible mother."

The guilt and pain upon hearing that from hearing Snow say that startles Emma. She glances at the sky and thinks about what her mind was contemplating earlier. Her whole identity is based on her idea that her parents abandon her but that was wrong. All of it was wrong. But she never thought about how Snow must feel. She realizes that they both have pain and guilt to overcome. Suddenly another realization hits her; she doesn't want her parents to hurt. She wants to spare them the pain she had to endure but she has a feeling there is nothing she can do to ease any of it.

"So this is what love is like?"

"What?" Snow's surprised reaction makes Emma groan when she comprehends that she said her thoughts out loud. A blush spreads across her cheeks that hopefully her mother can't see.

"Uhhhh, what I meant is that I've never known anyone to feel guilty for abandoning me…"

That comment seems to make things worse. Immediately Snow's head turns quickly and her gaze meets Emma's. Snow's eyes are fill of tears and the sight is more than Emma can handle. Her heart leaps into her throat as she tries to find words to heal Snow.

"I- I guess I wondered what love feels like because… I don't like watching you torture yourself for something that you did years ago and it was _for_ me. I can't- I won't let you." Emma is amazed at her own willingness to open up. She thought, when she first laid eyes on her parents, that it would be hard to love them fully, almost impossible. But now, she can feel herself starting to want to love her parents and want Snow's motherly love.

"Oh Emma." Snow's face softens and she is equally surprised at Emma's openness. Snow smiles and hugs Emma, which Emma thought was impossible since they are already practically hugging. Somewhere deep inside her, the child and the adult calm down and both sides enjoy the embrace. When she hears Snow chuckle bitterly, her curiosity is peaked once more.

"Shouldn't I be the one comforting you?"

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**What do you think? I know I've had these characters in an embrace like this a couple of times in other stories but it just too good to pass up once the idea came to mind. **

**REVIEW please?**


	2. Chapter 2

_"Shouldn't I be the one comforting you?"_

The question is simple yet seems to make everything more complicated. Emma cuts the hug short and actually takes her arm from underneath Snow. She immediately misses the warmth and the general feeling of love. Now everything is cold and she feels alone again. But she can't retreat and go back to the way things were, her pride wouldn't let her. She glances at the stars, unwilling to see the pain on Snow's face that makes her look so much like Mary Margaret.

"You should be." Her voice dies down as she thinks about her next move. She looks back at Snow and she sees the hurt come across Snow's face yet she sees her thinking about something and shifting in place. As much as she wants her mom's arm wrapped securely around her, this whole mother/daughter moment has been her comforting Snow and she won't let it switch now. The whole day she felt incompetent and like a failure of a daughter but in this instance, she is the one being the hero. So she swallows her pride and fear to inch closer to Snow. She subtly moves her arm so that Snow is forced to use it as a pillow. The position is surprisingly comfortable; she doesn't usually lie on her back and extend her arm out. Her heart is beating rapidly in her chest as Snow gazes questioningly at her.

"But I'm okay with this too. I used to protect Mary Margaret and make sure no one hurt her despite Regina's efforts and David's lack of effort. I guess this feels more like before and I- I kind of need that too." Emma's voice cracks as she talks about her best friend. She can feel the water building up in the corner of her eyes and it hurts to remind herself that Mary Margaret isn't the woman she is holding. Emma shuts her eyes. She is startled when warm hands gently grasp her face and wipe away the tears. She has been crying and breaking down a lot, which lead to moments like these and she isn't sure how she feels about it. A large part of her is still scared of losing her parents and the thought of losing them makes this tender gesture heart wrenching.

"Emma, look at me." She can feel her fear rising to the surface as she tries to keep her eyes closed. Everything hurts too much to open them. Maybe if her eyes just stay shut, the world will disappear for just a second and all that will be left is time for her to sort out her feelings. But Snow's thumbs are rubbing gentle circles on her cheeks and it makes her open her eyes. Her hazel eyes meet the hazel ones of her mother and immediately she hears Snow let out a sigh of relief. Emma's eyes drop so she isn't looking at her perfect mom. She has too much guilt about all her conflicting feelings and she knows that she is see-through when it comes to Mary Margaret/Snow. Both women always seem to know what she is feeling even though, sometimes, she doesn't want them to.

"I- I'm sorry." Emma whispers. Strangely, as a result of her apology, Snow tenses and stops rubbing Emma's cheek. It feels like she is doing everything wrong and Emma can't hold back the tears anymore. She hesitantly glances at Snow.

"Emma I don't want you to be sorry for anything. You're still angry, I know that, but you are trying so hard to not be and I love you so much for it." Snow searches her eyes for something and Emma can't tell what. Her chest tightens when she realizes Snow said she loved her. It's a good feeling, even great but somehow she is weighed down by the guilt that she can't reciprocate fully it just yet. "I'm happy that you found someone to protect and love like you did with Mary Margaret; she was your family when you had none. I know that you miss her. And I can't say that it doesn't hurt me to think about what we missed out on but spending this time with you now has eased some of it. Now will you please let me be the mom and switch positions with you?" The last sentence has a lighter tone as Emma realizes Snow is gently trying to help her.

Emma shakes her head and a smile spreads on her face. "No. I like this spot so you can just get used to it." She hopes that her mom gets the teasing and fortunately she does. Snow beams back at her and actually comes closer to wrap an arm around her waist. Emma glances at the stars and sighs. She uses her other hand to intertwine her and Snow's hands. She finally feels like things are getting better. Her whole life has felt like one big slide downwards and now she has Snow's hand to help her out of it. She smiles when Snow's head rests on her shoulder.

"When you said that love is not wanting someone to feel pain… doesn't that mean you said you love me?" Snow's voice just in that moment sounds so much like Mary Margaret. Emma flinches, expecting that thought to lead to pain and guilt but nothing comes besides a dull ache of missing Mary Margaret. She chuckles and tries to play off what Snow figured out.

"Pshhh I didn't say that." She can feel Snow's smile grow larger.

"Admit it. You love me." Snow says in a singsong voice. Emma rolls her eyes in a playful way.

"I- I just- ugh fine." She lets out a grunt and relents to Snow's prodding. "But you said it first."

"Yes, I said it first and I will say it again. I will always love you Emma." Snow whispers and just hearing the three words that she has been searching for her whole life makes Emma feel relieved and overwhelmingly happy. But then her mind goes to work again and her curiosity arises.

"You're okay with me not saying it back?" Emma asks, her voice barely above a whisper. She never thought that anyone would say that without expecting _something_ in return. This time Snow tilts her head slightly and looks at her.

"I know you will say it when you're ready." Snow goes back to her position of just resting on Emma's shoulder. A smirk graces her face. "Besides, you already indirectly said it. And that's enough for me."

Emma smiles and closes her eyes. Everything seems to be just right and she begins to unwind. The inner war seems to be over and her mind can finally rest. Suddenly she is overcome with sleepiness. With the seconds before sleep claims her, Emma takes the time to say,

"Goodnight, Snow."

"Goodnight, Emma."


End file.
